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This thread is inspired by another: view original post
Edited by Kylestien:
9/18/2014 2:43:18 PM
28
Destiny News! (Parody of Destiny Stuffs, feel free to join in!)
Hello, this is Kylestien of Destiny News! In today's news:
Master Rahool: Cryptarch or Scammer?
Hive Prince goes on record, laments loss of priceless relic
Cabal declare war on Vex
And House Of Exile lobby for official Fallen House Status
Master Rahool: Cryptarch of Scammer?
In the headlines of todays news, guardians of all shapes and sizes are complaining that Master Rahool, the resident Cryptarch, is trading low grade items for high quality engrams. Several others have reported getting the wrong type of armor, with one Hunter in particular being mad about getting a Warlock cloak. Master Rahool has yet to comment.
Hive Prince goes on record, Laments loss of Priceless Relic.
One of the remaining Swarm Princes Of The Hive has gone on record lamenting the loss of The Sword of Crota, a priceless Hive Artifact. Said to have killed thousands of guardians and weilded by the horrifying warrior Crota himself, the sword was destroyed when a unnamed Guardian stole it anc used it to kill 3 Swarm Princes. The Guardian remains at large.
Cabal declare war on Vex
Cabal Commander Valus Ta'aurc has officially announced that The Cabal have declared total war upon The Vex. When asked for a statement, he said "FOR THE CABAL, WAR IS A WAY OF LIFE. WE SHALL WAGE IT ON YOUR SPECIES IN TIME, BUT FOR NOW THE VEX PROVE A GRATER CHALLENGE! THEY SHALL NOT HAVE MARS!" upon which he shot the reporter dead. We got a response from The Vex, but we cannot translate it.
House of Exile lobby for Official Fallen House Status
In a surprising move of Fallen Politics, The Fallen House of Exile, known for holding the remments banished from other Houses, have attempted to gain official House Status. The Fallen Houses Of Devil's and Kings reject the movement, but in a surprising twist they may have support from The Fallen House Of Winter coming their way. The Winter Kell Draksis, has one on record saying he finds the House of Exiles exploits "interesting and worthy of note."
That's all for now, stay tuned for more.
English
#Destiny
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Edited by ScytheNL: 9/18/2014 9:00:17 PMField reporter Scythe here, with some fresh news right out of the wilderness. It seems strange things have been going on in a cave in Old Russia. The reports that are coming in are chaotic, but include: - Fireteams shooting at the seemingly empty cave - Fallen and Hive fighting each other over and over in that same spot - Guardians dancing inside the cave or sitting at the entrance while other fireteams seem to be very mad at them - Multiple people and even entire fireteams being crushed by Warsat's crashing down What does it mean? We don't know yet. Is it a cult? Does the cave contain toxic fumes that make people go mad? And what is attracting the Warsat's? Vanguard's EXO Overseer Howeii 5-0 is planning to send an elite fireteam to do a strike on the cave. "We don't know what we will be up against, so we will be sending a Hunter,a Titan and a Warlock, all level 30 with legendary gear" Howeii 5-0 says. "Being the dangerous mission that this could be, the Guardians are of course all volunteers, and they get to keep any Legendary engrams they might find". When asked why any Guardian would partake in such a dangerous endeavour only to have their engrams turned into blue gear, Howeii 5-0 replied: "no comment". I will report more as this story unfolds. Scythe out.
