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This thread is inspired by another: view original post
Edited by Kylestien:
9/18/2014 2:43:18 PM
28
Destiny News! (Parody of Destiny Stuffs, feel free to join in!)
Hello, this is Kylestien of Destiny News! In today's news:
Master Rahool: Cryptarch or Scammer?
Hive Prince goes on record, laments loss of priceless relic
Cabal declare war on Vex
And House Of Exile lobby for official Fallen House Status
Master Rahool: Cryptarch of Scammer?
In the headlines of todays news, guardians of all shapes and sizes are complaining that Master Rahool, the resident Cryptarch, is trading low grade items for high quality engrams. Several others have reported getting the wrong type of armor, with one Hunter in particular being mad about getting a Warlock cloak. Master Rahool has yet to comment.
Hive Prince goes on record, Laments loss of Priceless Relic.
One of the remaining Swarm Princes Of The Hive has gone on record lamenting the loss of The Sword of Crota, a priceless Hive Artifact. Said to have killed thousands of guardians and weilded by the horrifying warrior Crota himself, the sword was destroyed when a unnamed Guardian stole it anc used it to kill 3 Swarm Princes. The Guardian remains at large.
Cabal declare war on Vex
Cabal Commander Valus Ta'aurc has officially announced that The Cabal have declared total war upon The Vex. When asked for a statement, he said "FOR THE CABAL, WAR IS A WAY OF LIFE. WE SHALL WAGE IT ON YOUR SPECIES IN TIME, BUT FOR NOW THE VEX PROVE A GRATER CHALLENGE! THEY SHALL NOT HAVE MARS!" upon which he shot the reporter dead. We got a response from The Vex, but we cannot translate it.
House of Exile lobby for Official Fallen House Status
In a surprising move of Fallen Politics, The Fallen House of Exile, known for holding the remments banished from other Houses, have attempted to gain official House Status. The Fallen Houses Of Devil's and Kings reject the movement, but in a surprising twist they may have support from The Fallen House Of Winter coming their way. The Winter Kell Draksis, has one on record saying he finds the House of Exiles exploits "interesting and worthy of note."
That's all for now, stay tuned for more.
English
#Destiny
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Edited by TowerGuardian: 9/18/2014 11:25:26 PMHive leaders are blaming the Tower for recent bouts of Guardian violence in Old Russia, saying: 'They're [Tower] supporting rouge groups of separatist Guardians who terrorise and provoke the residents of Old Russia, they [guardians] have been given a green card to bring instability to the area, we are fighting a common enemy, we should be working together to wipe the Fallen scum from the face of the planets.' Tower representative Lord Shaxx has dismissed these comments from the Hive calling them 'Utter nonsense', claiming the statements are typical propaganda dished out by an extremist group with sinister intentions. He also announced he would be pulling several hundred Guardians, currently on Crucible duty, from the front line to place on standby. He refused to comment on further potential of boots on the ground. We're still waiting to hear word from the Vanguard or any of the independent factions within the Tower, though we expect statements soon. The Speaker is also very quiet on the matter, refusing to comment while attending a charity soccer game in the Tower gardens on Wednesday.
