^^^ Sarcasm Done Right

I got an exotic warlock chest plate today from a purple. I'm a Hunter.

I thought it'd be the cryptarch.

I thought Charlie Murphy was the Darkness?

This is crazy funny!

Awesome, cant wait for half life 3

[quote]It's the purple engram guys... Listen for a moment and you will realise it all adds up too well to be coincidence. 1. In a lot of RPG's the colour purple is the politically correct colour coding for darkness, the purple engram fits 2. A fallen has been heard screaming that it's the darkness when sighting a player. This is partially correct in that the players are indirect servants of the darkness. The reason Destiny's environments are so empty and lifeless is that guardians killed everything in them in their hunt for the purple engram. They swept across the galaxy like a great scourge with inexplicably great dance moves and brought about the collapse. 3. You never get what you are promised from a purple engram, it's always a useless pair of lvl 16 rare pants. All the rusted crap in the cosmodrome is the result of a great flood of salty tears wept by guardians handing in their purple engrams after hours of grinding. 4. If it’s an armour engram, the only times you will ever get a legendary or *gasp* an exotic, is if it is for another class. The purple engram is clearly evil and takes joy in mocking you, the player. 5. Whatever poor innocent mobs are still alive are uniformly and endlessly slaughtered in the hunt for more purple engrams. In other words, there is no hope for any species because the guardians of the engram kill everything that moves and all the poor bosses that don't. 6. In the crucible, breeding ground of champions, performance is actively punished by rewarding the worst players with legendary and exotic drops. This way no one capable of actually winning the final battle will be left when it comes, they will all have either moved on or gotten used to sucking in the hopes of getting a good drop. 7. The traveller is an exotic engram with 100% chance to actually be an exotic. The darkness has been chasing and trying to kill it all this time because it's diabolical scheme would be ruined by the traveller/exotic engram! Purple and Yellow engram are really twin brothers born at the dawn of time by the god of RNG, diametrically opposed forces of good and evil locked in eternal struggle with one another! 8. There are no civilians in the last city, just highly convincing mannequins that can't be interacted with and never move. What can be interacted with is a part of the killing machine. The cryptarch is the agent of the darkness. The reason there are no civilians is because you (a guardian) killed them all looking for a purple engram, you genocidal, semi-mute -blam!-. 9. Each individual guardian has enough resources to service the US military but no way to share it with society in order to rebuild. This means that instead of making clothing or tents out of the 1000+ hadronic essence you have, or using plasteel plating for agricultural equipment, society is stuck in a perpetual state of resource starvation. 10. You have to get gear with light to level up. If light is so good and holy, why would you need to trap it in garments in order to amass more killing potential? If the light is sentient as the darkness is sent to be, you are imprisoning it in clothing for your own selfish personal gain. Hero's don't do that. 11. The enemies are so dumb they couldn't coordinate their way out of a cardboard box. An individual guardian can slaughter them in the hundreds, let alone the many millions of guardians there actually are. In other words, guardians vastly outnumber all other species and are also technologically superior in every way. Ever seen vex create a hover bike out of nowhere? Do the Cabal have sniper rifles that not only cloak the shooter but cause targets killed to explode? No, No they do not. 12. Guardians are undead, zombies, revenants, whatever you want to call it. The undead are ALWAYS minions of the evil overlord. Except in rare exceptions such as dark souls. And as mentioned before, you have to gather light, trap it and use it to wards to the goal of killing (questionably) sentient life. Now if the purple engram really is an evil metaphysical entity that can cross dimensional boundaries it would explain why it's on twitter in the real world MOCKING you IN REAL LIFE. Also, I once had 3 legendary engrams drop for me. This took so long I was half dead at the end, or half alive if you're a glass HALF full kind of person. This means half life 3 is confirmed, it all adds up don't you see!?[/quote] That shit was hilarious. If you dont mind me asking, whats your cryptarch guy at? Mine was at 11 or 12 when he finally gave me an exotic.

cryptarch needs to die.

So the Crpytarc guy is the devil? I believe it. I hate that SOB.