Today hive news have to report yet another massacre. This is even more tragic than the others. For years families have been happily teleporting to the famed picnic area "the shitty cave under the cosmodrome". It has even been the site of celebrity appearances such as the late prince garok the blingy and soul sensations the syphon witches. Aksor the priest also held a charity picnic there for dregs without legs.
However this has now become the scene of a sick blood sport called farming. This involves a group of guardians mercilessly shooting hive families for hours upon hours in the hopes of trading in their jewellery to cryptarch Rahool Gonzalez (before his arrest) for a piece of cloth for their Titan. Surely their lives are worth more than that! These senseless killings need to stop now #farmingbastards.
However in a hive news first we can report that some guardians have been sitting in the caves in protest warning hive families before they get shot. We would commend these citizens however we have found out that their motivation is based on engram envy and the fact that they can't even get a date with a shank.
We again reached out to guardian leadership, but as the speaker was at tower escorts "for research purposes ;)" they declined to comment.
Coming up tonight a vault that is so easy to break into all you need to do is stand on some pressure pads. And on the crucible we ask if a map is advertised as being vehicle warfare, should it not actually have more than two vehicles? More on that later.
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I am a cave hater