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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
originally posted in:Sol Guardians
9/10/2014 2:31:23 PM
11

Ocba Presents Planethopper's Guide to (Un)Intelligent Life

[b]Greetings Sol Guardian Members! (And all you who see this through your General feed)[/b] I am here to teach you all the things you need to know to transverse the our Sol-ar System and to deal with all the manner of vicious, deadly, eatable monstrosities that have invaded our sector. With this Guide, you'll always know where your towel is, what weaponry to use, and the best way to survive. Leave those electronic watches at home, we need your full attention. And don't mind the mice, they are my assistants and are far more intelligent than you. To start off, I will give you the first entry to this fantastic guide with our first Unintelligent species: [u][b]Guardians[/b][/u]: [i]Mostly Harmless[/i].

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  • [u][b]Walkers[/b][/u]: [i]Imagine taking the Old World child sensation 'Hello Kitty,' mounting a giant cannon onto her back, and sending her into battle. That's how youthful Fallen felt everywhere when the Walker was first deployed. Based off of a friendly, giant (what we would call) spider (with a name I don't even know how to spell in our language), the Fallen discovered that the body-style of this pacifistic spider, of hugging and sharing, was perfect for mechanized combat. Even after giving the body armor and mounting a giant turret, its cuteness still flows out of it. So popular did the militarized version become that the producers of (what I'm translating it into) 'Hello Spidey' forever changed their iconic character to wear a cannon on its back and constantly spew Shanks from its rear-end. This latter quality would soon lead to the show's cancellation after young Fallen everywhere tried to emulate and copy the spider's actions. The Walker may look cute, but don't underestimate it. Many individuals have been mocked in the after-life for being killed by a child's television show host. Along with dropping Shanks, they also dispense homing Arch-bombs. They are equipped with three projectile systems: A massive repeater under its "head", a mounted single-shell cannon on its back, and a missile pod launcher attached to the cannon. Feel free to under-estimate all of these. None of them are very important. (Sarcasm!) Avoid getting close to it, for it will pound its stomach on the ground, causing an Arch shockwave. If you are concerned with avoid its projectiles, I will say this: See a red laser, RUN. See a charging missile pod, RUN. See it facing you with no obstacle in between, RUN. The Walker has quite a few weaknesses, though. If you're smart (and/or coordinated) enough to know what its legs are, you can shoot at them until they break. The power surge will overload the Walker's systems and cause its hydraulics to relax and expose its internal engine at its neck. Like pulling meat out of a crab-leg, the juicy inside is there for the taking. Although rarely taken advantage of, multiple externally-mounted weapons can be disabled through precise attacks on their systems.[/i]

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