I will have a bottle of bourbon, cooled to a temperature of no more and no less than 56°F. It shall be only a quarter full, with two quarters in separate glasses and a third quarter in a plastic cup. If it has been stored at room temperature, I do not want it. If people have stared at it, I do not want it. If you do it wrong, I will have an army of a million and two marching ants carry you into a volcano's boiling hot magma. Each of these marching ants will be wearing sunglasses and one of them will not. The marching ant that doesn't wear sunglasses is their leader. He will see to it that you are carried into boiling hot magma if you mess this up.
English
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*hands glass of water* Anything else?
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*Bonks you on head with fancy cane* Bourbon. Take him away, marching ants! *Hears crickets chirping* *Clears throat* Take him away, marching ants! *Hears crickets chirping* DAMMIT!!
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Allow me *substitutes ants with ghosts and gets carried out of bar*
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*No comment*