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*brews ale* Here ya go!
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I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow to the knee
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*smashes knee with a warhammer* NO!
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You have committed crime against Skyrim and her people, what do you say in your defense?
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*shoots in the face with a crossbow*
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*Takes it cause guards are too good* EHHHH
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*summons two dragons.* Ahem.