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originally posted in:Art and Stuff
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10/4/2014 12:37:05 AM
2
Amateur Poetry.
[u]WARLOCKS ODE[/u]
We walk the path of the mind,
Secrets within no one can find,
Our bodies mere hosts of the void,
The light within sees foes destroyed,
Rending reality asunder with ease,
Humanity's destiny is ours to seize,
Ours is the power of long dead stars,
Through the light turn wounds to scars,
Within the walls of the last city on Earth,
We await the great spheres rebirth,
In it's slumber we safeguard it's mysteries,
For to forget is to condemn to history,
The stars yearn for our arrival long due,
Void and Solar lights our path through,
For when the Warlocks come to the fore,
The enemy knows the true meaning of war,
By me...
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1 ReplyEdited by Primordial: 10/4/2014 12:01:49 PMAs a fellow Warlock, I rate this poem A*. As someone who enjoys poetry, I like it but there's a few things to change (please note, I'm not a master of English so I'm quite happy for my corrections to be corrected). Firstly, the first line of each stanza should end with a comma, which you have, but the second line should, I think, end with a period. There's also a few other punctuation errors such as: "Ours is the power of long dead stars, Through the light[b],[/b] turn wounds to scars." (added comma after "light") "Within the walls of the last city on Earth, We await the great sphere[b]'[/b]s rebirth." (added an apostrophy in "spheres"). "In its slumber we safeguard its mysteries, For to forget is to condemn to history." (removed apostrophes). Tiny critiques aside, I think it's great. In particular, I like the stanza "Ours is the power of long dead stars, Through the light turn wounds to scars."
