Well to be honest you post was pretty long so I just kind of sloped the Q and here's the A:
Yourself and any friends whom give you permission. That bit is important, you have to get their permission first otherwise they get pretty upset when they wake up in the middle of the night and you have your hand down their trousers. Just remember no one, not even RNGesus can tell you that you can't play with yourself, that's your willy do what you want with it!
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I am a little drunk right now...but the way this made me laugh, I probably won't be served anymore! Thank you for making sure I get home safe!