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originally posted in:Dads of Destiny
Edited by Coedbeast:
11/26/2014 4:30:37 AM
18
Non gaming spouse problems
This seemed to be the best place to reach out with a question like this. My wife doesn't play games such as destiny. She's more into the "just dance" and "super smash bros" crowd. In her eyes, every moment I spend gaming is a moment I don't get with her, even if she's sleeping. I find myself scheduling my gametime after the test of the family has gone to sleep, and my normal sleep rhythm had gone to pot as of the last couple weeks. I have no more candle to burn. So after reading a thread here about managing game time, I'm now reducing the time I spend each day playing to completing the daily, weekly heroic/nightfall (if not done), and some farming to level up my gear. I wanted to say hi and thank this group for helping me mature a little more as a gamer.
One final note, I have a good raid crew, but sadly we have yet to kill atheon. So while we may not have completed the raid, I'm willing to help out when anyone needs a +1 for most any event. Psn:Coedbeast (ps3 only)
Happy hunting guardians
Edit: I realized I never asked my question. Any suggestions on how to approach my wife about the game?
Edit 2: such wonderful comments. I have some ideas on what to do now. Thanks for the help. Nice to know there is a great bunch of gents here willing to help. Look forward to playing the game with you all. Well, all you ps3 users anyway.
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My wife isn't much of a gamer either. She plays here app games on tablet. But does love Minecraft on the ps3. So now and then my son, her and I will all play together in one world. Him on his ps3 and us on splitscreen on my ps3. The kid and I are gamers and both play Destiny as well as many other games. I guess I am lucky as when we are gaming for hours she is doing her thing. Which is either reading (she can read a book in a day sometimes) streaming shows on her tablet or doing facecrack. She doesn't mind because we aren't bugging her. Lol Also my wife works part time evenings during the week. So after I get home she leaves for work. That's when I mainly play and as long as the kid has his homework done, so does he. We still get alot of family time together and she has her alone time with son as they watch a series of youtube videos. We have our family things like hiking, RC crawlers and stuff we do together. My wife probably thinks I play alot but she knows I enjoy it. Same as I don't harp on her for reading all day on a rainy Saturday. My Destiny addiction is healthier and cheaper then a drug addiction I guess. So there are for worse things in the world. You just have to balance family, time together and personal interests/hobbies.
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7 RepliesEdited by corinnacoco: 11/25/2014 2:45:20 PMI've a similar issue, maybe worst since yday my wife told me to pack and leave. She thinks I care more about playing than my family,which clearly is total bs. So we are fighting over a compromise: I want 2h after dinner or time after they go sleep. She wants me to not play at all. This means that there's no compromise at this time and I might as well start looking to sell my ps4. If anyone has any suggestion, please tell us. Because this crap makes me seriously consider packing instead . Ps. we have a 3months old baby that often sleeps like an angel for 8h straight.
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1 ReplyMy wife does not understand gaming at all. But she doesn't need to. She just needs to understand why you game. I know the main reason my wife doesn't like me playing is because she knows once I start I won't pay any attention to her for the next two hours. So before I start to play I make sure to address her needs first. Does she have to talk about something? Does she need a break from the kids or from cooking? Is there something else she needs me to do? Or does she just want a few minutes to spend with me? Once I make sure her needs are met then I go an play. Not only does this save on the questions or frustration that I am not paying attention to her. It also shows that she comes first. Go out of your way to make her life easier and she will be more accepting when you need your time.
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3 RepliesIf you have a PS3 why not get a Vita and use remote play. I use this for everything except PvP, its doable, its just a bit tricky. I can sit in the same room while she watches whatever she wants on TV while I can continue to play
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So my strategy is like what she does to me on seahawk Sunday! When my hawks are playing im watchin technique of the players! She is talking about their shoes! Or hair Or anything but the game well in my mind! So when her t.v. Shows are on I return the favor during dialog and I get jettisoned sp to the couch for destiny! By the way we have been together since we were 16 and we are now 40 so we have an understanding most new couples don't have!
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Edited by thekilnor: 11/27/2014 1:07:00 AMIm also on ps3 add me. Thekilnor My wife plays games on her ipad but does not understand why i love this game so much. Like why when i work at 6:30 a.m. i stay up til 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. doing the raid or whatever. Truth be told though its not 100 % the game. Its the friends ive made here. Props to my main fireteam buds Papote and Vjhonno. Those 2 have become brothers to me. We get along great and usually know what the other is going to do before they do it. We think so much alike that we will often times shoot the same enemies at the same time! Lol. But again for me its the comrodity, doing things for the team. Edit* Sorry never answered the question. I try to explain she has her movies and tvshows that she likes to watch. And i have Destiny. She just doesnt like how late i stay up playing. Which is valid, and im trying to improve on that. But she will still give me a dirty look if i fire up ps3 while she is awake. She knows i play when she goes to bed, so when she has had enough of my game she will take the littlest girl (1 year old) up to bed then get ready for bed herself. She gets pissed listening to me talk to my bros for some reason.
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This is a tough one so hopefully the other guys can help too. I have been an avid gamer since my wife and I met those many years ago so it's always been there. However everyone has to have their own thing that they do for recreation. We don't always get to like it, my wife has horses so don't get me started on all that lets just say it's pricey. My wife thinks the games are kinda dumb mostly, she used to love watching me play Ocarina of Time, but she has learned that it is one of the ways I stay sane. As long as I don't go crazy and spend all my free time with it, she's cool.
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1 ReplyYou are quite a step ahead of me, or where I was. My wife is not a gamer and she could not understand how I liked gaming so much, or at all for that matter. We have two children and the oldest is two. So balancing everything took some time. My wife started taking interests in shows that I didn't care to watch. This offered me some free time, as she would watch her shows on Netflix and I would game. I would think that your wife would understand your passion for gaming and understand that each of you would need time apart. You can't do everything together. It would seem to reason that if she likes playing certain games, maybe ones you don't care to play, then she would understand that you feel the same way. There's nothing wrong with spending a little time alone, every parent needs some time to just unwind and not deal with anyone directly. Sometimes I will take the long way home from work just for the peace and quiet in the car. I hope this helps. Too bad you aren't on PS4.
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4 RepliesExplain to her that in a healthy relationship you both need time to yourselves
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1 ReplyWhile none of us are certified Married Counselors, at least not to my knowledge, issues of this nature can be relatable which a great many of us. A balance of me time, and family time can be tricky sometimes, but is not impossible. My only advice is to try and include her in your gaming when possible, whether it be you playing more with her, or you trying to get her into what you're playing. Let her try some missions for you, maybe that'll peak her interest. Gaming is a fun hobby, but should not come between a family. In all honesty, if no compromise can be found, there may be more issues involved, and professional help might be beneficial. Good luck gents...! : )
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I'm with Cobalt, you gotta have some me time...I play games to relieve the stress I get at work (and at home sometimes)...luckily my wife is pretty cool with it, while she doesn't game she understands it's something I enjoy and as long as it doesn't get in the way of our family life it's all good. It helps that some of her friends had husbands that cheated on them so as she always says "I would rather have you here gaming then out at a bar or god knows where else"
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Same here, I agree with cobalt. A healthy relationship means you both get me time. Talk with her and get her to realize that you have a life outside your marriage. To close yourself off from everyone but her can cause you to hate her. I have experience with this. My ex wife did this to me and it was not a pleasant experience. Thankfully it only lasted a year and we parted ways.
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Married with 2 kids (3 & 5 year olds). I basically try and stick to two days off, and one day on. Work 6 days a week, so on the day I actually play its always after the kids have gone to sleep. Luckily the Mrs is OK, as long as I spend quality time first and foremost with the family things go well. Doesn't always work, but women are women!
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You have to have your own thing as many have said. If not you will go from understanding to resenting it. Been married 15 years and if I'm playing destiny or any other Xbox game my wife is reading one of her many books. One thing you could do is set up a game night similar to a poker night and put it on the schedule.
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4 RepliesI've fought this battle and eventually arrived at the conclusion that it wasn't the hill I wanted to die on. Put them down for a week, month or whatever it takes. Then when the time is right approach it again. No game is worth the marital relationship. Period. Husband, father then gamer.
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First, lol for forgetting to actually ask your question. Second, I feel your pain brother. I play from 10pm at best until whenever I can manage - depending on how many previous days I've already done that for and what I've got to be functional for the following day - and it invariably means I'm regularly tired at work. Ultimately it all culminates in me getting home one day a week and just falling asleep on the couch (from which I occasionally wake and feel wonderfully refreshed for a long and late gaming sesh haha). The good news is you're not alone in your predicament. That bad news is that I've got no better solution for you /:
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wish I knew how to answer. I play after the family goes to bed and ive quit going to the gym in the morning due to staying up until 11:00 or 12:00 (I have to get up at 4:45 yo go to the gym before work). So, I sympathize. Its all I can do. :p
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1 ReplyEdited by largehit71: 11/25/2014 9:53:49 PM
