This copy was long. I saved it because I put effort into it. I've been needing to do this for the past few days. I still feel iffy about it. Im drunk right now over it. 6 months ago I got a job at ups. It was my first job ever and I was afraid of things like getting fired. About 2 months into the job I noticed this beautiful girl that I worked with. She was the definition of beauty with more that I would come to learn. I have never dated or had ever even felt love before so I didn't know how to react. I kept my feelings to myself and I would talk to her casually about things every now and then. I could feel that she was a person who cared about you, someone who could never hurt your feelings. Four months into the job I realized that I was in love with her but still was confused about what to do about it. I practically knew nothing about her but I felt like I wanted to spend forever with her. The fifth month into the job the feelings became irresistible. She was too good of a person to pass up so I decided that I was going to tell her how I felt but didn't know how to because I was afraid of her not accepting me. One day last week I had free time (hours of it). I spent that time drawing a picture with just a pen of two people on a hillside laying down, holding hands, and star gazing. A different girl said it was cute and asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said no and she said that if I gave a girl the picture I would. This was my opening. I flipped it over, wrote "I don't know where you are with relationships so I won't ask you any questions. However you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I hope your life never runs out of smiles. Love brad." She always smiles when she talked to me. I gave it to her and told her to open it when she got home. The next day she told me she liked the picture and thought that I was sweet but she was starting to see someone else in a non serious relationship. She told me to keep my hopes high and said something about "knowing someone better". She hugged me and I was okay. We played games for the rest of the day and talked. A few days went by and I didn't want to just to give up on her. She said she wasn't into anything serious so I planned to ask her out on a non serious date where we could just talk. I wanted to go ice skating but the weather wouldn't let me so I planned to take her to the aquarium. The day that I went to ask her out I bought her a flower (a pink rose because pink was her favorite color). I also swore that what ever happens I'll never hate her. I went in and asked my supervisor/friend if I could get out 10 minutes earlier than her so that I could ask her out. He said he would see what he could do. A few minutes passed and he pulled me aside to disclose something I wish he hadnt. (I don't wish to incriminate her, even though her identity is safe on this forum, so the rest of this story is vague). He told me about her secret. There were things in her life she had done. He told me that he was just looking out for me and didn't want me to get hurt because I was a nice guy. I told him immediately that "people make mistakes in their lives that they regret and because they hate themselves for their mistakes that's what makes them good people." I meant these words one hundred percent. However I couldn't shake her secret off my mind. I started wondering if the things she said were lies she made to protect me from her. I got off of work and grabbed the flower with my number on it. I waited outside for her to walk by so that I could ask her out except I was really extra nervous this time. I pulled her aside and told her I have some things I needed to say to her. I said something like "I know that you are seeing someone but I didn't get to tell you how I really felt in the letter. Would you go on a date with me so we can talk about things?" There were more words than that but I was too nervous and concerned to remember. She said that she really liked me, but she was starting to see someone else and wanted to see where it goes. However if it doesn't work out she will gladly go on a date with me. I said "that is alright, i dont want you to do anything that you dont want to." We hugged, said goodbye and good night and went home. That was the last time I saw her on Monday night. I then started wondering if she was really seeing someone else or was she trying to protect me. Her secret is like a curse and the only cures are if she tells me it herself and we discuss it or if she crushes me and I end up hating her. I ran out of ideas to deal with it so I got drunk and it didn't work. I want to forget about the secret so bad but I can't without her. I have the solution for the problem but I can't use it without her. I still love her dispite the secret. How to I deal/cope with this because right now I'm trying talking. Thanks