Believe me I don't like dealing with a lot of people just cause they are stupid but not everyone is the same like that. There is good people oit there that you could come to respect and be friends with. You say you have friends online? If they was living near you do you think you could be friends with those people? The only way to make friends is to eventually learn to accept that no one will ever be like you and that is actually a good thing. A group of friends is like a good squad, they each bring something different to the table that makes the group stronger. As for your origins. I don't know nothing of it but you can't let your past and origins define you. Your actions and thoughts define you. Also to start becoming happier maybe start with trying to enjoy simple things and the beauty in nature and life. Take a road trip and enjoy the scenery. Do something stupid that you normally wouldn't do. You are gonna have to break away from your routine and the way you are to start the change. It's like trying to stop smoking. It never is easy to quit but it's damn good once you do and you feel great about it. Nothing good comes easy. You may have to start off slow and do baby steps but only you can make the effort to progress. I'm assuming you are not happy with the way things are now and from the sound of it you don't have much to lose and only something to gain. You may believe you could lose respect from some people but if you don't have friends as it is then you have no respect to lose as it is. It'll probably be a slow process but I'm sure you can do it if you put in your best effort. As for love. You just gotta keep searching and trying. It may not come the first and 2nd time and may not the 3rd and 4th but it'll eventually come if you keep at it. There is someone out there just for you even if it takes another 10 years.