If this is a joke....please don't quit your day job. If its real....I have some advice for you: Step 1. Place microwave on table slightly below waist line. Step 2. Stand in front of microwave, centering yourself with said microwave. Step 3. Set cook timer to 10-15 minutes (the more the better) and press the start button. Step 4. Stand in that position until you hear the "ding" noise. Please repeat these steps daily, with any luck your ability to reproduce will diminish thus saving the gene pool.