Now I have your attention:
[u][b]A Guide to European Tourism[/b][/u]
[i]Now with fewer dangerous factual errors![/i]
Welcome, to this edition of 'A guide to European tourism'! In this post, I will seek to enlighten you to the joys of mainland Europe and all the gems it has to offer. Following, you will find an extensive list of all the worthwhile and interesting places in Europe to visit.
[b][u]France:[/u][/b]
[u]L'Académie de Blaireau[/u]
Coulis de Framboises, Poirot, France
A fascinating school devoted entirely to teaching badgers to replace guide dogs for the blind. Described by former president Jacques Chirac as "dangerous beyond reason," the school nonetheless perseveres with its baffling work under the slogan, [i]La tuberculose pour tous![/i] (Tuberculosis for all!).
[u]Musée de L'armée de L'air de Singe[/u]
Chapeau sur pamplemousse, L'Oooo, France
A delightful museum dedicated to France's unique Monkey Air Force, which operated between 1961 and 1979 with little-to-no success and the loss of several baboons. The entire operation was disbanded when it was (belatedly) realised that monkeys quickly tire of flying aeroplanes, preferring instead to indiscriminately strafe the ground with machine gun fire.
[b][u]Belgium:[/u][/b]
[i]La Cathédrale de Chats[/i]
Pommes dans les Cheveux, D'oink, Belgium
Under the guiding stewardship of Fr. Lionel Blaire, this beautiful old church claims to be the world's only exclusive place of worship for cats. It is completely deserted as a result. The attached museum is devoted to the one occasion in 1974 when a lost cat inadvertently wandered into the building during a service (but subsequently left due to a poor choice of hymns and no small degree of boredom).
[b][u]The Netherhollands:[/u][/b]
[i]The Windmill of Death[/i]
Wjees, Jopp!, The Netherhollands
Dare you brave the blades to enter the terrifying windmill of death? Actually, yes. The blades move rather slowly and upon closer inspection, appear to be made from foam rubber. In fact, the entire facility has been constructed on the assumption that the average visitor has recently consumed copious amounts of marijuana.
[b][u]Sweden:[/u][/b]
[i]The Great Museum of Markus Persson[/i]
Hjoolstraum, Saab, Sweden
Since selling the multi-million dollar development company Mojang to Microsoft, fedora-clad millionaire Markus Persson has returned to his homeland to set up this fascinating museum of shelves, featuring many different varieties of shelf, such as free-standing shelves, and that type of shelf that's bolted to the wall. He even keeps a small section of other storage facilities, such a wardrobe and a cupboard.
You will surely be the envy of all your friends and relatives when you've visited but one of these grand venues, each as exciting and intriguing as the last!
Many thanks,
-Treebeard (A.k.a Master Arngeir for TES day)
[spoiler][i]Please note: I am not to be held responsible for any injury, loss of (or damage to) property or life caused by, or as a direct result of, visiting, or attempting to visit, these locations. [/i][/spoiler]
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Did't even readi it