What's brown and rhymes with snoop? [spoiler]Dr Dre[/spoiler] What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile [spoiler]get in the batmobile robin[/spoiler]

Little Johnny and Susy are taking a bath together (they're young and not weirded out). They both look at each other, point to their nether regions, and ask, "What is that?" Neither knew what to say. Johnny asked his dad and received this answer: "Son, that is your car, and she has a garage. You want to park your car in her garage." Susy asked her mom and received this answer: "Susy, that is your garage, and he has a car. Do not let him park his car in your garage." Susy came home the next day and was covered in blood. Mortified, her mother asked what happened. Susy said, "Well, Johnny tried to park his car in my garage, so I popped his back tire."

My love life.

What does David Bowie take for a walk? [spoiler]his diamond dogs[/spoiler]

[spoiler]mudslide[/spoiler]what do you call a bunch of mexicans running dow a hill

How do you get a group of Jews into a cab? [spoiler]throw a quarter in it[/spoiler] How do you get them out? [spoiler]tell them hitlers driving[/spoiler]

A family was traveling out west in a covered wagon. In the back of the wagon was a big package wrapped up in canvas. The wife looks at her husband and says, what did you put back there? The husband says, it's a surprise. When we get where we're going I'll show you... So for months and months each day the woman would ask and every day he would give the same answer. So finally they reach the place where they decide to settle and the wife says, okay can I finally see what's back there? The husband unwraps the package and underneath is a big bell. He sets the bell up and turns to his wife. He says, okay I dragged this thing all the way here and listened to your whining every day so that if anything ever happened and I wasn't here I would hear the bell and could come back and protect you. Do not ever ring this bell unless you are in danger... So the next day, the husband was out cutting trees for their cabin when he heard the bell, Ding, Ding, Ding... He runs to his horse, gallops back to the wagon where his wife stands at the foot of the bell tower. He jumps off the back of the horse in a shower of dust and says, what is it where's the danger? The woman holds up a tray of food and says, you've been out working all day. I thought you might be hungry. The husband shakes his head. I told you to never ring that bell unless there's danger. You understand? She nods and he goes back out. He starts cutting trees and after a couple hours he hears the bell, Ding, Ding, Ding. He jumps on his horse, gallops back to the wagon, he reigns in and jumps off the horse's back. What's wrong? What's going on? His wife comes out of the wagon with a pitcher. I thought you were probably thirsty working out in the woods all day... He grabs her by the shoulders. Gets right up in her face and says, look woman, I don't ever want to hear that bell ring again unless you are in a life or death situation. If this happens one more time, I come back and you aren't in trouble believe me you will be. So he gets back on his horse goes back out and starts working again. It's near sunset and he's getting ready to go home when he hears the bell, Ding, Ding, Ding. He jumps on his horse gallops back to the wagon. The comanche are disappearing over the horizon as he reins in. The bodies of his children are scattered around the wagon. He walks over to the bell tower where his wife is hanging half dead from the bell rope. Covered in blood and nearly lifeless, he gathers her into his arms and looks down into her glazed eyes and says... Now that's more like it.

Destiny's "story"

Knock knock

Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise! We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars! But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you." Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel! And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Talos is the true god of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit! The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth! Today, they take away your faith. But what of tomorrow? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives? And what does the Empire do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor! Against its own people! So rise up! Rise up, children of the Empire! Rise up, Stormcloaks! Embrace the word of mighty Talos, he who is both man and Divine! For we are the children of man! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Elves or their toadies, will rule Skyrim! Forever! Terrible and powerful Talos! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment! And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Talos, not as god, but as man! Trust in me, Whiterun! Trust in the words of Heimskr! For I am the chosen of Talos! I alone have been anointed by the Ninth to spread his holy word!

Pls don't kill me for this How do you get a Jew in a car [spoiler]With an ashtray[/spoiler] How do you get a Jew out of a car [spoiler]Dustpan and Brush[/spoiler] They say that there is safety in numbers [spoiler]Tell that to six million Jews[/spoiler] The twin towers [spoiler]Was the best Lord of the rings film[/spoiler] Why does Mexico have no Olympic team [spoiler]Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border[/spoiler] How does a Mexican get into an honest business [spoiler]Through the window[/spoiler] Pls forgive the racism