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Edited by Eigerphant:
8/10/2015 4:58:02 PM
1399
Let's hear your best joke
Comment with your best joke!
Edit: Can't believe the amount of jokes there are - it's brilliant, keep them coming
Edit: Jesus that's a lot of jokes
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I hate how politically correct the world is getting, I can't even say black pant anymore. I have to say: "Hey Jamal, can you go paint that wall for me?"
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4 RepliesI saw a woman walking towards a door, so I opened it be nice Instead of thanking me, both she and everyone else on the plane started screaming.
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LNA COMING THROUGH! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
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Johnny Manziel.
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2 RepliesI got this from a kid a couple months ago! I hope I get it right I am not a science expert but know enough to "get" it! Two atoms are walking down the street. The first atom says to the second, "I think I lost an electron back there." The second atom says "are you sure." The first atom says "yes I'm positive."
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Use the horse Luke!
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4 RepliesEdited by Wolverine: 2/23/2015 1:31:13 AMI take no credit for this joke but I find it very funny.... There was a man who worked at the grocery store. One day, a lady came into the store. The lady aproached him and asked," do you know where the broccoli is?" The man said to her," I'm sorry ma'am. We are all out of broccoli." The lady walks away. So the man goes back to stacking and unpacking. The lady comes back again and says," I need broccoli, where is the broccoli?" The man, slightly annoyed, says," I already told you there is no broccoli we are all out." The lady walks away and the man goes back to his job stacking and unpacking. The lady walks back a third time inquiring about broccoli. The man is now annoyed and says, " Just humor me ms. Spell cat as in catastrophic." "C-A-T." She said. " Now could you spell dog as in dogmatic." "D-O-G." She said. " Now could you spell f*** as in broccoli." "There is no f*** in broccoli!" " That's what I've been trying to tell you!!!!!!!"
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7 RepliesI went to the doctors the other day and he was asking me a lot of weird questions. He finally stops and tells me I have to quit masturbating. I ask him why. [spoiler]because it's interfering with the exam he says..[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyWhat's the difference between a Jew and Santa? -Santa goes [b]down[/b] the chimney. Why should you not run over a black kid on a bike? -it's probably your bike..
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1 ReplyHere's a breakup line. Hey baby, have people been following you? [spoiler]because I've been seeing people behind your back[/spoiler]
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What's white and 12 inches [spoiler]Nothing[/spoiler]
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Destiny's story.
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Lil Wayne.
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A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath. I tried to help, but I could only knock one out !
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Why did the chicken cross the road? [spoiler]because he was trying to escape the flood after posting something about destiny in offtopic [/spoiler]
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An alto and a soprano jump off a cliff. Who gets to the bottom first? [spoiler]the alto, since the soprano had to stop and ask for directions. [/spoiler] What does a vegan jawa say? [spoiler]zucchini! [/spoiler]
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiots house! Knock knock! Who's there? The chicken.
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2 RepliesEdited by Dante Trixter: 3/10/2015 6:30:27 PMI grew up on a duck farm with my twin brother. It was tradition for every boy on his 18th birthday to be sent out to the city to make some money. The person who made the most inherited the majority of the farm. Well my brother and I had turn 18 and got $20 and a duck. Loaded up into pops truck and he dropped us off in the middle of the city after warning us about the temptations of the city. As soon as we started walking my brother saw a "Ducks wanted" sign at a pet store. He walked in and came back with $30 making it $50. "Duck farm is as good as mine!" He laughed and started walking back home. Well I started walking down the an alleyway when a good looking woman approached me. "Hey fella you lookin for a good time?" I replied "Sorry ma'am I'm trying to find someone to buy this duck." The lady knowing that Ducks where in short supply said "I can give you something you'd really like for that duck. I can make you feel like a man." I'll admit I never felt that manly so I agreed. My brother had won anyway so I figured I'd give myself an extra present. She took me deeper into the ally. 15 minutes later she's breathing all ragged. "One more time, I'll give you back the damn duck. I need to go again with you, you're incredible." Half an hour later I'm walking out with my duck. No richer but no poorer. All the sudden my duck hops out of my arms and got hit by a taxi. The driver frantically started apologizing and offered me all the money he made today $20 all together. He drove off. A Chinese diner saw everything and offered me $30 for my dead duck. I gave it to him. Walking home I realized I had made $70! I had won! I ran back home and showed my brother and father the $70. My brother was stunned but my father was pleasantly surprised. "How?!" My brother shouted. "I also would like to hear how you did it." Said my father. "Well.." I said. "To put it simply, I got a fúck for a duck, a duck for a fúck and $50 for a fúcked up duck."
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4 RepliesWhy did the seaman cross the road?[spoiler]because I wore the wrong socks[/spoiler]
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10 RepliesKnock knock Who's there? Deej Deej who? [spoiler]DEEJ NUTS[/spoiler]
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Bob:Your nuts are so small there like a Tic-Tac Me:No wonder your mums mouth is so fresh
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What if God made a world in a jacket where would the black people live?[spoiler]In the Hood[/spoiler]
