Destiny Conspiracy Theories

Let's examine some of the most popular theories, and rate their craziness in terms of Charlie Sheen. [b]The Traveler is Evil[/b] Evidence: Circumstantial but pretty convincing nonetheless. There’s no proof the Traveler actually did anything beneficial for humanity, but every other race in the universe seems to want it dead. Fallen Dregs appear to say “It’s the darkness” or similar when you approach. And look at the company it keeps: the Speaker is shifty as all hell, and the cryptarch a total dick. Rating: No Charlie Sheens for you. [b]The Exo Stranger is Rasputin[/b] Evidence: The Stranger isn’t a Guardian, comes from the future, and seems to be on her own side, neither the Darkness nor the Traveler. Rasputin also appears to be on his own side. He also seems to have some master plan for stopping the Darkness. Could that involve sending the Stranger back in time to help you? Rating: Charlie Sheen’s cameo in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” [b]The Traveler is Rasputin[/b] Evidence: Rasputin survives the Collapse, lives long into the future, builds the Traveler and sends it back in time to rescue humanity, only he can’t because he’s a warmind and the only thing they are good at is war so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and creates a kind of Groundhog Day loop where he sends the Traveler back in time but that causes the Collapse so Rasputin builds a Traveler to stop the Collapse and sends it back in time and *falls over, frothing at the mouth* Rating: “If I realize that I’m insane, then I’m OK with it.” [b]The Darkness is Rasputin[/b] Evidence: Dunno, Rasputin just seems kind of shifty, doesn’t he? Plus people have posted that if you translate what he says during the array mission, it’s all “There is no immortality of soul, thus there is no greater good. Therefore everything is permitted.” and “They are but meat pressed in the mouth of the shell.” which sounds pretty damn evil. Rating: “Platoon” era Charlie Sheen [b]The Vex are Rasputin[/b] Evidence: Rasputin is a computer. The Vex are computers. Rasputin is big on war. The Vex are big on war. Er. That’s it. Rating: “I’m on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen.” [b]The OP’s Mother is Rasputin[/b] Evidence: Le Lenny Rating: Oh bby [b]Everybody is Everybody Else[/b] Evidence: Any combination of one or more of the above. Rating: “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning” [b]Last Minute Changes, Disc Locked Content, Bungie Lied![/b] Evidence: E3 demo, areas of the map you can glitch into, general disappointment with the amount of gameplay included on the disc. Rating: Emilio Estevez