originally posted in:The Collective Anomaly
"Ghost, how long 'till evac?", Kane put his rifle behind his arm, and Ghost appears from the air.
"Calculating," a female voice rings out from Ghost,"ETA thirty-five minutes."
Kane nods, and Ghost returns into his HUD. He looks to the top left of his HUD, his tracker showed that the Fallen that were chasing him were still quite a ways off. Kane left his position, and slung his rifle over his shoulder so it dangled on his back.
"The Fallen have retreated, you are clear." says Ghost as she appears in front of his face. Kane nods, and his sniper rifle appears in his waiting hands. The Icebreaker..
"May I ask what you are going to do with that?"Ghost tilts slightly, and her eye widens.
"I'm going to do some target practice." Kane places his Icebreaker on the snow, and pulls his hood tighter on him. Ghost just rolls her eye and floats near him, acting as his spotter. He set his sights on a distant Captain, he put his eyes on the stock of the Icebreaker, and put his eyes on the scope.
"About 950 yards out. Wind, three-quarter value, push two left." Ghost became statue still, not hovering a single inch from where she was.
"Target locked..." Kane was deathly quiet, his voice barely heard due to the hum of the Icebreaker. Kane placed his fingers on the trigger.
"Fire when ready." Ghost replied emotionlessly.
Kane squeezed the trigger, an earth-shattering [i] Bang![/i] could be heard miles away. The captain's head exploded, in a volatile gush of blood and brain fluid. The captain flew back a good four feet from where he was standing, the impact of Icebreaker had killed him the instant the laser made contact with the skin of his head. The Arc shield was useless, Icebreaker shattered the barrier with ease.
Kane stood up, and Icebreaker disappeared from his hands. Spots of snow dotted his armor, his rifle as his only visible weapon.
"ETA for evac is twenty-seven minutes." came the voice of Ghost, who had evaporated and returned to Kane's HUD.
Kane nodded, and began to walk towards Skywatch.
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I thought it was a good story I myself am new to making theses story's but very good!
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You typed this on your phone? I bet that was a pain in the ass. Haha. Anyway, I always enjoy a good sniper rifle description as you did here. Keep it up! Oh, you don't need the apostrophe when you write, "till." :-)
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Pretty good. I assume there's going to be more? Or is it just a quick one-time story? If you're looking for feedback on grammar, I noticed a couple things. [quote]Ghost just rolls her and floats near him, acting as his spotter.[/quote] Looks like you might have forgotten a word here. [quote]Spots of snow dotted his armor, and only his rifle as his visible weapon. [/quote] Perhaps here you meant "was" instead of "as"? Otherwise everything after the "and" does not constitute an independent clause. If you do plan to write more, I'd like to read it.